Homosexuals and Homosexuality- Compatibility with Islam

HOMOSEXUALITY

Impact and Solution

DR. PARVEZ MANDVIWALA

Abstract Homosexuality is either frowned upon and stigmatized (as in religious societies) or condoned and encouraged as a legitimate expression of one's sexuality (as in liberal societies). Accordingly, this also has a profound effect on the institution of marriage. In societies where it is stigmatized, homosexuality is considered a disease, which is either ‘cured’ by marrying the person concerned in a heterosexual union, or the homosexual person himself enters into a marriage of convenience. On the contrary, in societies where homosexuality is completely accepted, the homosexual person either remains unmarried or enters into a homosexual union depending upon the laws of his country/state. This paper seeks to explore all these four possibilities and their respective consequences. It also seeks to ascertain the true drive behind homosexual behaviour and arrives at tangible solutions taking into consideration the ethical, social, psychological and religious aspects of the issue at hand. Personal interactions with homosexual persons and interviews with counsellors have been used as important tools of study, in addition to religious texts and academic literature on this topic. Although an inherent bias is present in any such topic that deals with only one particular part of society, concerted attempts have been made to keep this paper as objective as possible. Also, although homosexuality is found in both males and females, only male homosexuality has been discussed in this paper.

Sources:

1.      The Holy Qur’an

2.      Anonymous telephone conversation with a homosexual person from Kalyan.

3.      Mr. Zafar Ansari, Preacher, Mumbra.

4.      Dr. Danish Shakeb, Clinical Psychiatrist, Mira Road.

5.      Mrs. Shruta Rawat, Counsellor, Humsafar Trust, Mumbai

6.      Dr. Yasir Qadhi, Preacher, USA, via two video lectures.

What is Homosexuality?

The definition of Homosexuality ranges from having attraction towards persons of the same sex, getting aroused by those of the same sex to having sexual encounters with those of the same sex. But we need to draw a line here between getting aroused and having sexual encounters. This is essentially because while the latter is a voluntary act, the former is an involuntary phenomenon. And we cannot equate something which is voluntary with something that comes involuntarily, right?

As we all know, sexual arousal is not a deliberate act. We cannot get aroused or not get aroused at will. A man cannot decide to have an erection just as he can decide to raise his hand. It's totally different. If a heterosexual man gets aroused at the sight/smell/touch of a woman and he starts getting an erection, it happens naturally. Men just cannot decide whether they want an erection or not, and erections happen even when men don't want them, like say when they are in public.

The same applies to Homosexuals. They essentially get aroused at the sight/smell/touch of a man. They get wet dreams about men. When they watch pornography they inadvertently search for nudes of men because that is what arouses them. A nude female body would not give them an erection at all. Is this voluntary? Is this deliberate? No. And it can never be.

Dr. Danish makes an exception. According to him, lone voyager acts of homosexual encounters do not make the person a homosexual. Even heterosexual people engage in homosexual acts ‘just of fun’ or just to experience passive penetration. He regards these as sexual perversions which do not constitute what can be labelled as ‘persistent homosexual behaviour’.

Shruta, on the other hand, avers that the concept of a person’s sexuality is more fluid. Nothing is black and white, she says; it is mostly grey. Between being exclusively homosexual and exclusively heterosexual, there is a wide spectrum of men who can get aroused by both, in varying degrees. Alfred Kinsey, in 1948, mentioned 6 categories in his scale, in addition to a seventh category of being asexual. So, what Dr. Danish refers to as sexual perversion, Shruta does not; she sees this as a perfectly normal phenomenon. Those who have ever engaged with or get aroused by both sexes are somewhere in that mid-range; it’s just that most don’t confess to it or are in denial, she believes. In fact, the most ardent and vociferous homophobes, she says, are those who are themselves homosexuals, and they are only trying to mask their sexual orientation by hiding behind their offensive façade.

Is homosexuality inborn or is it a result of conditioning?

Dr. Danish tells me that homosexuality can either be inborn or acquired. If acquired, it may be because of a past traumatic experience or because of conditioning. But since sexual orientation is visible only after puberty, the line between inborn and acquired gets obscured. Shruta, however, believes that this is just as innate as someone being left-handed.

I have spoken to a man who was contemplating suicide because he did not know what to do with himself. He could not change what was beyond his control and the society would not accept him as he was. He was a middle-aged man from Kalyan who had been forced into marriage several years back. He is now divorced and has a daughter who lives with her mother. He told me that when he was a teenager in Dubai, his parents had asked a Shaikh to cure him of his homosexuality. The Shaikh, he said, sodomized him in the hotel room he had booked to ostensibly cure him. He has been living with that mental scar ever since. He now seeks partners and engages in sex with stranger men to satisfy his carnal urges. But his overriding guilt had plunged him into depression.

Many people also get traumatized (sodomy or oral sex) by their family members like uncles or elder cousins, or by teachers. The latter is most common in boarding schools like seminaries. Dr. Danish avers that quite a few seminary students have been sexually abused by their teachers at some point in their life, and he gets many such cases. Not all sexually abused children end up as homosexuals, but those who enjoy the act are certainly more inclined towards this behaviour.

If not traumatic, it might be that the adolescent boy has been exposed to male nudity during his puberty. This can be in the swimming pool or gymnasium or boys’ hostel. If he gets attracted to boys or men during that age, he develops a greater preponderance towards homosexuality.

Shruta insists, however, that those who get attracted to boys or men are already homosexuals from birth, and it is just that they realize this during puberty. The fact that not all boys who have been sodomized or exposed to male nudity turn out to be homosexuals fortifies her claim.

Is homosexuality reversible?

Dr. Danish explains that if the homosexuality is acquired, and he has a conflict in his mind, and he wishes to abandon it, it can be done with the help of counselling. Such people then turn either heterosexual or asexual. Hormonal treatments are available for those with inborn homosexuality, but they are not in vogue.

Shruta disagrees. She rubbishes all claims of ‘curing’ homosexuality. She regards all forms of sexualities as normal and acceptable, and hence does not see any reason why the person concerned should be so counselled in the first place.

In the 1970s, both the International Classification of Diseases (ICD 10) and the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM IV) have declassified it as a mental disorder. On 17^th May 1990, the WHO declassified homosexuality as a mental disorder. The American Psychiatric Association states, “Homosexuality is not an illness. It does not require treatment and is not changeable.” On the 1^st of March 2016, the Indian Psychiatric Association and the World Psychiatric Association have issued position statements clearly stating that homosexuality is a normal variant of human sexuality.

As same sex attraction is not deemed a mental disorder any more, it is not ‘cured’.

Family Life

There are four marital scenarios for homosexual persons:

a.       Forced marriage: Young men having homosexual tendencies are forced into marriage by their parents who want to ‘heal’ them. But, as Dr. Danish laments, such marriages cannot survive unless the man is bisexual. He narrates a case in which his patient was an engineer working for a bank. His parents, both doctors, wanted to have him married, but he is not ready for it because of his sexual orientation. He tells me that if exclusively homosexual persons are forced into marriage, the marriage breaks up just as is the case with impotent men. The bride feels betrayed, cheated, and goes into a depression. She finally spills the beans and the marriage gets annulled.

Shruta has a more nuanced view on this. She says that such a bride would choose to divorce her husband only if she is financially secure or independent. Otherwise, social constraints compel her to compromise and live through that marriage. Also, it might be possible that she never comes to know about her husband’s sexual orientation if he falls in any intermediary category of Kinsey’s scale. Moreover, even an exclusively homosexual man can manage an erection and orgasm with a lady and father a child if he wants to (by fantasizing about a man or taking sildenafil tablets) and then abstain from having sex with the wife. The wife might then be made to feel that she is not attractive enough or she just gets busy with motherhood and household chores and leads a platonic life with her husband.

b.      Marriage of convenience: There are also cases in which a homosexual man himself marries a woman after telling her about his sexual orientation or by keeping her in the dark. He marries under societal pressures. In cases where the woman is kept in the dark, the marriage suffers the same end as above. But even if the woman marries this homosexual man despite knowing about his sexual orientation (for some societal need of her own, and this happens only in high societies which are too liberal), the marriage might still break down. This is because sex is essential to marriage. An asexual marriage does not stand the test of time, or it is at least an unpleasant one.

c.       Same sex marriage: Though this has found some acceptability in the west, it does not have legal sanction in India. Live-in homosexual relationships are, however, quite common. But there is no fidelity in most cases, and the man ends up having multiple partners. This makes such relations unstable.

d.      Bachelorhood: This is true for those homosexuals who do not marry. They might indulge in casual sexual encounters or take to abstinence owing to moral, religious, social or health reasons.

Religion

There was a young man who wept uncontrollably after listening to a lecture about homosexuality being a sin. He went up to the speaker, Mr. Zafar Ansari, that evening and confided in him that he used to ejaculate in his sleep dreaming of men and boys and that there was nothing he could do about it. He was living in a perpetual guilt for no fault of his. The speaker, a kind gentleman I personally know, tried to console him, but could not offer him any pragmatic solution. He later narrated this incident to me, and the helplessness on his face perfectly mirrored the concern in his voice.

Post-truth v/s Religion

In this post-truth era of YOLO, when all paradigms of social unrest, health risks and mental perversion have been flouted by the post-modernists, the only institution or idea that stands against homosexuality is religion. Here, we shall discuss Islam’s stand on homosexuality in some detail.

Islamic Perspective

Islam does not punish someone for simply having a desire. Islam punishes someone only if he COMMITS a sin. This brings us to the second part of the definition- engaging in a sexual encounter with a man. It is THIS which is a sin.

Whenever and wherever the Qur'an speaks about Homosexuality, it rebukes the men of Sodom and Gomorrah for DOING the act, of having sexual encounters with other men. The Qur'an never says that those men were guilty of feeling attracted towards men. And how could it ever do so? How can it ever chastise a man for something beyond his volition when it itself says in the last ayat of Surah alBaqarah: “la yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus’aha” (Allah does not charge a soul beyond its capacity)!

For a man to have sexual encounters with a man is as sinful as a man having sexual encounters with any woman other than his wife. Both are equally zina. Just as a heterosexual man is not allowed to get romantic with a lady who is not his wife, so also a Homosexual man is not allowed to get romantic with a man. Both have desires, and they are both required to rein in their desires. Even a heterosexual man cannot justify his act of fornication or adultery or rape saying that it was a natural instinct, can he? So it's not about having natural or unnatural desires, it is about taming your desires and keeping them restricted. This is what TAQWA is.

Temptation and Trial

Islam tells us that very person on earth is undergoing an examination. And every person has his own question paper of temptations. What might be a temptation for me might not be a temptation for you. Lying, gossiping, using swear words are as much a trial for someone as having excessive sexual attraction towards someone can be a trial for someone else. Every person is required to and is expected to control HIS OWN temptation. So, a homosexual person is being tested with his desires in as much the same way as a heterosexual man is tested with his. They would both sin if they act upon their illicit desires and they would both be punished.

Someone might contend that heterosexuals have a vent. They can fulfil their desires with their wives. But are all rapists bachelors? Do married men not have illicit affairs? And what about unmarried men? Students, for instance. Are they not expected to control their desires for several years after they cross puberty? So marriage is not an excuse. Married men also sin, and not being married is also not a justification for having sinned.

Also, as Dr. Yasir Qadhi aptly puts it, when God engrains certain temptations in a man’s heart, He also gives him the strength to conquer it. In addition to the aforementioned ayat, the Qur’an makes it clear at many places that no soul has been burdened with a load that it cannot bear [2:233, 6:152, 7:42 and 23:62].

Solution

Acknowledging Homophobia

M

an has always had a fear of the unknown. And when man cannot relate with something, this fear grows into a phobia. Anything different, anything that he cannot understand is shunned, condemned and stigmatized. Islamophobia is one very vivid example of this hate against the ‘other’. Another example is Homophobia.

Homosexuality is an extremely misunderstood concept; and the stigma surrounding it makes it difficult for man to explore it with an unprejudiced mind. When homosexuals say that they have been programmed that way and they cannot help but get attracted to men, the heterosexual society does not believe them and treats them as social rebels and outcasts. Why? Because they cannot relate to it. Tell them that a man is attracted to many women and they would readily believe you and treat is as a ‘normal’ thing. Why? Because they can relate to it. And this difficulty in understanding someone else's situation gives rise to Homophobia.

Empathy

The stigma attached to Homosexuality is so strong in our society that men tend to remain closeted Homosexuals, living in guilt and fear all their lives. It is for this reason that we need to empathize with those who are different from how we are. Hate the sin, not the sinner. Fight the disease, not the patient. And beyond this, love and respect the person who is suppressing his instincts only because he fears God and the hereafter. Curbing one's sexual urges is among the highest levels of taqwa. And if a person is doing so, he deserves our help and support, not our contempt. Dr. Yasir Qadhi has spoken extensively on this, and on where we need to finally draw the line.

Helpline

But help cannot be given in the open. No one would feel comfortable coming out in the open and revealing his sexual orientation if he deviates from the ‘norm’. The boy I spoke about earlier had an enormous amount of courage and taqwa, but everyone cannot be that brave. He knows he would be seen differently, his friends would shun him, keep away from him, ridicule him or even physically harm him because of their homophobia. And these fears and reservations are very much genuine.

We can instead have an anonymous helpline for God-fearing Homosexuals- those who have these feelings, no less, but are sincerely interested in abiding by the limits of God. We need to make them understand that God loves them, He does not hate them, and that they can very well be wonderful pious human beings and attain the highest levels of Paradise just as anyone else can. They need to be explained that this is just a test, no matter how tough, and guide them through by suggesting ways and means to overcome their temptations. We need to encourage and motivate them to pass this test with a distinction, lift up their spirits and pull them out of their unfounded guilt and anxiety and conflict and depression.

Question and Answer session

After the presentation, a member of the audience asked two questions:

1.      How should a Muslim homosexual man vent out his sexual urges?

2.      Should we have respect for him?

The reply I gave him was:

1.      Since Islam does not allow homosexual practice, Muslim homosexuals should be counselled to abstain from indulging in any homosexual act. This can be done in four ways:

                 i.            Positive reinforcement: He should be told that Prophet Muhammad ﷺ has guaranteed paradise for those who give him a guarantee that they would not misuse their tongues and private parts. Many such aHadith can be cited to reassure him that controlling his carnal urges can land him in Paradise.

               ii.            Negative reinforcement: He should be told that Prophet Muhammad ﷺ has cursed those men who indulge in homosexuality. Likewise, the punishments of zina in the hereafter should also be narrated to him to deter him from giving in to his temptations.

             iii.            Precautions: Many ayaat of the Qur’an and aHadith provide tips to rein in one’s carnal desires. These apply to both- homosexuals as well as heterosexuals. For instance, ‘Do not approach zina’ [Surah Bani Israil, ayat 32], ‘Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their chastity’ [Surah Noor, ayat 30], “Fast regularly” [Hadith] etc. He should be advised not to frequent those places which promote zina or even ignite his sexual urges (like discos, swimming pools or gymnasiums).

             iv.            Vent: He should be told that he can at most resort to masturbation to vent out his sexual urges. While masturbation cannot- and should not- be promoted, it can definitely be allowed. Of the four Imams of fiqh, Imam Ahmad bin Hanbal allows masturbation, Imam Abu Haneefah allows it in constrained circumstances (for those men who might indulge in zina if they do not masturbate), while Imam Malik and Imam Shafi’i consider it a sin.

2.      We should respect the person like any other human being, but we should not respect his desire to indulge in homosexual acts.