Domestic Violence- An Analysis

Domestic Violence

An Analysis and Islamic Viewpoint

I

t’s been twenty years, but I can never forget those black eyes and bruised arms. Our former housemaid, an ageing lady draped in a tattering nine-yard sari still wore the mangalsutra around her neck and the vermillion on her forehead that she believed would protect her drunkard abusive husband from harm. How ironic… how ironic indeed! I had grown up seeing her in that pitiable state and had become somehow habituated to the apathy; but what made the ordeal even more painful was the realization that this was not her case alone. There were thousands of women out there whom she only represented- women who were battered to pulp, humiliated and made to work in people’s houses to support the family while their male counterparts would order another round of country liquor in a shabby gambling shed. Beaten for money, beaten for sex- the poor souls have nowhere to go, no shoulder to cry upon and no kind heart to hearken to their pleas. Over the time they have accepted this as being a part of womanhood in a country where the female deity is worshiped for her power and valour. Irony dies a steady death in front of her eyes, each day, each moment.

Victims of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a reality. It is a reality that is being played out in millions of homes in this country and the world over even as you read this piece. While it is almost always the wife who is on the receiving end, husbands, children and parents are also common victims of domestic violence; and now with live-in relations taking hold in our society, ‘intimate partners’ are also being included under its ambit.

Women have been facing violence at home since as long as history itself. The United Nations Declaration on the Elimination of Violence against Women (1993) states that "Violence against women is a manifestation of historically unequal power relations between men and women, which has led to domination over and discrimination against women by men and to the prevention of the full advancement of women, and that violence against women is one of the crucial social mechanisms by which women are forced into a subordinate position compared with men".

This can manifest itself in the form of violence as benign as verbal abuse, emotional torment, confining her to the house, not spending adequately on her, not providing her proper food and clothing, to more dreadful forms like physical torture, marital rape, strangulation and burning which can eventually lead to her death.

Statistics show that globally, about 38% of female homicides are committed by an intimate partner. Even in developed and self-proclaimed civilized nations like Canada, USA, Australia, South Africa and Israel, between 40-70% of women murdered were killed by an intimate partner.

Back home, while subjugating womenfolk has been lent social credence and has been accepted to be the norm and conveniently condoned in Indian families generation after generation, the more serious forms of torture are usually reserved for those brides who fail to bring in dowry enough to satiate the hunger of her in-laws. Apart from the usual taunting and insulting of her parents, she may also be sent back to her maiden home or, worse still, murdered by throwing her off the roof or setting her ablaze. In 2011, the National Crime Records Bureau reported 8618 dowry deaths in India, with unofficial figures estimated to be at least thrice this number.

As I have mentioned above, children and old parents also fall victim to domestic violence. Children are being forced into child labour and ill-treated at home. Even affluent parents somehow consider it their innate and inalienable right to hit their children or abuse them, even in front of others. Old parents are left to wither away in old age homes or relegated to a corner of the house pleading for death to bring them some relief from their undignified and burdensome life.

This list would be lacking if I do not mention those husbands who are directly or indirectly subject to torture by their wives. There are umpteen cases where the wife verbally or physically abuses him within the confines of the house. Such cases usually go unreported because the man is too embarrassed to confess to being abused. The other way in which men (and their family members) are tortured is by filing false cases of Domestic Violence against them. Since this is a serious offence under IPC 498-A and The Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act 2005, it is being misused by women to blackmail and extract money from their innocent in-laws or put them behind bars.

Repercussions

The repercussions of domestic violence are manifold. While it does lead to bruises, fractures and death, this is only the physical part. The other aspects- viz. mental, emotional and social should also be considered. Violence within the family leads to either rebellion or subjugation, with the latter being more common. Rebellion would cause a never-ending series of fists and fights, while subjugation would cause depression, panic attacks and other psychological problems. Women who are financially dependent upon their husbands feel threatened by the proverbial sword of Damocles perennially hanging on their heads in the form of a lurking fear of divorce or separation. In either case, it is the family structure that bears the brunt. Can you imagine the mental effect it would have on a child who has always seen his mother (or father, lest we forget the other side of the story) being abused?

Desensitization of society to domestic abuse is also a worrisome factor since it results in the unabated perpetuation of this ignominious crime. It then becomes quite difficult to curb a menace that has widespread social sanction and that is hardly ever reported to the concerned law enforcing authorities because of the social stigma and vilification attached to it.

What Can Be Done About It?

What is needed here is a generalized change in mindset towards one’s family members. This can never be brought about de jure; and this is where the role of Islam becomes all the more pronounced. Islam is the innate and by-default nature of all human beings- men as well as women. It contains the legislation given to us by our Creator and guarantees a peaceful and happy family if acted upon in letter and spirit. Let us see how….

Islamic Concept of Family

Islam recognizes family as the basic and most cherished unit of society and lays down detailed guidelines to ensure its internal security and development. It has entrusted all family members with certain responsibilities and entitled them to proportionate rights so that there is no skirmish between them. While explaining the shares of inheritance in the eleventh ayat of Surah anNisa the Qur’an says that Allah has taken upon Himself to allocate these shares because “You know not which of them, whether your parents or your children, are nearest to you in benefit”. This statement, when applied universally, serves to avoid unnecessary disputes and rancor among family members- not only in the matter of inheritance but in all aspects of life.

Relatives

The ninetieth ayat from Surah anNahl that is recited in the Friday sermon all over the world reads, “Indeed, Allah orders justice and good conduct and giving to relatives….” This means that we are not only expected to give our relatives their legal rights but to also treat them with good conduct and go out of our way to give them more than their due. Good treatment with parents, children, orphans and relatives has been stressed upon again and again throughout the Qur’an and Hadees. It becomes a religious obligation then, and not merely a moral encouragement. There are instances where these rights are enforced by Islamic courts as well.

Parents

Parents cannot be treated with disdain, let alone violence, even if they are non-Muslims. “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him; and that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them [a word of disrespect so much as] ‘uff’, nor repel them but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood’.” [Surah Bani Israel ayaat 22-23]

Prophet Muhammad ﷺ has said that paradise lies beneath the feet of one’s mother and that his father is the door to that paradise. In another Hadees, the archangel Gabriel curses such a person who finds his parents in old age and still does not attain paradise (by being good to them and serving them). The Prophet seals this curse with an ‘Amen’.

Children

The Prophet has emphasized upon kind treatment to children. He has been reported to have said that such a person is not one of us who is not respectful to our elders and kind to our children. He has prohibited preferential treatment being meted out to one child over the other or to a boy over a girl, and warned that we would be tried before God with respect to our children. The Qur’an says, “Your wealth and children are but a trial….” [Surah Taghabun ayat 15]

Husband

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's property, etc.)….”

Quoted above is a translation of the 34^th ayat of Surah anNisa. It speaks of the status a husband deserves and the desired attitude of a lady with respect to her husband.

There is a Hadees that illustrates this point by an example: It has been narrated by Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) and recorded by Imam Tirmizi that the Prophet ﷺ said that, “Had it been permissible that a person may prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered that a wife should prostrate herself before her husband”.

If this is kept in mind, there can be no allowance for torturing one’s husband in the very least bit. The wife is, instead, expected to love, adore and respect her husband through thick and thin.

But if a woman does not pay heed and mistreats him or his family members, the husband is free to divorce her after following due procedure and save himself from suffocating further in a bad marriage. If the wife unjustly invokes the law against him as we have discussed earlier she is reminded of divine punishments in the hereafter.

Wife

We now come to the most common victim of domestic violence- the wife, and try to see what safeguards Islam provides for her.

The Qur’an instructs man thus: “…And live with them (your wives) in kindness. For if you dislike them- perhaps you dislike a thing; and Allah makes therein much good.” [Surah anNisa ayat 19]. This is a very important injunction by which man is duty bound to treat his wife kindly. Any transgression in this regard would qualify him for divine retribution.

In case of disputes, the Qur’an says,

“…As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them, refuse to share their beds, and beat them; but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means: For Allah is Most High, Great (above you all).” [Surah anNisa ayat 34]

The word, Izribuhunna (beat her) mentioned in the original text is, however, cited by some people to misinterpret the Islamic stand on domestic violence. But what they claim is far from the truth.

In some exegesis such as those of Ibn Kathir and Muhammad Ibn Jarir al-Tabari, the actions prescribed in the ayat above are to be taken in sequence: the husband is to admonish his wife, after which (if his previous correction was unsuccessful) he may remain separate from her, after which (if his second correction was still unsuccessful) he may hit her or give her a light tapping. Contemporary Egyptian scholar Abd al-Halim Abu Shaqqa refers to the opinions of jurists Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani and al-Shawkani who state that hitting should only occur in extraordinary circumstances.

Abu Shaqqa refers to the edict of Hanafi scholar al-Jassas (d. 981) who notes that the reprimand should be ‘A non-violent blow with siwak (a small stick used to clean the teeth) or something similar’.

Bahz bin Hakim reported on the authority of his father from his grandfather (Mu’awiyah ibn Haydah) as saying: “I said, O Messenger of Allah, how should we approach our wives and how should we leave them? He replied: Approach your tilth when or how you will, give her (your wife) food when you take food, clothe her when you clothe yourself, do not revile her face and do not beat her.” [Sunan Abu Dawood]

In the Hadees quoted above, we can see how benevolent and kind a husband is required to be. By calling her one’s tilth, the husband is reminded of the extreme care and concern he should have for his wife, how he should protect and nourish her from the depths of his heart. He has also been reminded that she is the mother of your children and deserves to be given due honour. Can a man be expected to abandon or cause harm to his own farm? Definitely not!

The Prophet ﷺ said, “Many women have turned to my family complaining about their husbands. Verily, these men are not amongst the best of you”. [Ibn Kathir 1981 Vol 1: 386; Sunan Abu Dawood, Book of Marriage; ad-Darimi, Book of Marriage]

Now, if a man were to disregard all these guidelines issuing from none other than God and His messenger ﷺ and mistreat his wife, Islam gives her the right to initiate divorce proceedings and separate from him by approaching a court of law. This is called khula.

Alcohol and gambling- the two most important contributing factors for domestic violence have been prohibited in the Qur’an. As far as dowry is concerned, there is no place for it in Islam. Instead, brides are entitled to an amount from the groom, which is called meher. The woman is not necessarily financially dependent upon her husband either. Apart from the meher, she has absolute rights over her jewelry, she is allowed to generate income using permitted means and gets a definite share in the inheritance of her parents, spouse, children, and- in some cases- siblings as well. This, in turn, grants her the much required self esteem and saves her from getting subdued in the family.

Conclusion

Islam is all about love and affection, caring and empathy, kindness and generosity. It wants to see these values being truly personified among family members. In essence, Domestic Violence is everything that Islam is not. Although it has provided legal safeguards to protect family members from any form or degree of violence, its appeal is directed to a person’s soul. ‘Believe in God and be kind to His creation’. I conclude with an ayat from Surah Rüm that beautifully expresses this paradigm:

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought”.