A Beautiful Bond called Friendship

Let us begin by exploring two prominent friendships:

God ﷻ and Abrahamؑ :

Every reader of the Qur’an would readily appreciate how emphatic and furious God seems whenever there is any allegation or even an allusion to Him having a son or daughter or parent or wife or partner. From about a dozen references that can be cited in this regard, allow me to quote a few:

“But they have attributed to Allah partners - the jinn, while He has created them - and have fabricated for Him sons and daughters. Exalted is He and high above what they describe. He is the Originator of the heavens and the earth. How could He have a son when He does not have a companion and He created all things?”

[Surah alAn’am ayaat 100-101]

 

“And they say, ‘The Most Merciful has begotten a son’. You have done an atrocious thing. The heavens almost rupture and the earth splits open and the mountains collapse in devastation that they attribute to the Most Merciful a son.”

[Surah Maryam ayaat 88-91]

 

But have you ever noticed the change in His tone and tenor when it comes to his ‘friend’? When it comes to Abraham (Peace be upon him), the words of the Qur’an betray such kind and affectionate expressions! God, who is so unyielding when it comes to other relations being attributed to Him, makes a direct mention of taking Abraham as His friend- “And Allah took Abraham as an intimate friend”. [Surah anNisa’ ayat 125]

 

And have you noticed the epithets God uses for Abraham? There is hardly any mention of Abraham in the Qur’an where he is not spoken of in flowery terms.

“Abraham was indeed a model, devoutly obedient to Allah, true in faith, and he joined not gods with Allah. He showed his gratitude for the favours of Allah....”

[Surah anNahl ayaat 120-121]

“Abraham was, without a doubt, forbearing, compassionate and frequently returning to Allah”.

[Surah Hud ayat 75]

 

In Surah alAnkaboot, when the believers are encouraged to stay firm on faith and persevere against all odds, God presents the example of two eminent prophets, and the mention of Noahؑ  takes precedence over that of Abraham (Peace be upon both). But one cannot keep himself from getting amazed at the stark contrast in God’s approach towards these pious souls when they plead before Him elsewhere in the Qur’an. We have Noah who sees his son drowning in the flood and fervently supplicates to God to save his son. At this, God reprimands him saying, “Ask not of Me that of which you have no knowledge! I give you counsel, lest you act like the ignorant”. At this, Noah immediately takes back his words and says, “O my Lord! I do seek refuge with You, lest I ask You for that of which I have no knowledge. And unless you forgive me and have mercy on me, I should indeed be lost”. [Surah Hud ayaat 45-47]

On the other hand, we have Abraham who “began to argue with Us concerning the people of Lot”. But after listening to his arguments (a detailed account of which can be read in Genesis: Chapter 18, verses 23-33) God first showers praises on Abraham for his concern, and then tells him, “O Abraham, give up this plea. The decree of your Lord has gone forth and indeed there will reach them a punishment that cannot be repelled”. [Surah Hud ayaat 74-76] Can you make out the difference?

 

The passionate cry that God gives, “O Abraham, you have fulfilled the vision” when He sees him trying to sacrifice his only son for Him, the certificates He offers him of having fulfilled His commands and of not being among the polytheists, calling him a leader to be followed and an example to be emulated, making it mandatory upon all Muslims till the end of time to re-enact his and his family’s gestures during Hajj and Umrah and dedicating an Eid in memory of his sacrifices are all subtle hints of the high regard God has for his friend, Abraham.

And Abraham was not God's friend for no reason at all. He risked his life, left his home, abandoned his wife and infant child in the middle of the desert, offered to sacrifice his firstborn, built His house... all for the love of God. It was this spirit of sacrifice and submission that earned him this exalted title.

 

Prophet Muhammad ﷺ and Abu Bakr Siddiqؓ :

Let us take another noble friendship- that of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ and Syedna Abu Bakr Siddiq (God be pleased with him). Abu Bakr was the Prophet’s best friend, and he always treated him that way. When he was appointed God’s messenger, the first person he took into confidence outside his family was Abu Bakr. Abu Bakr was his right hand. When the Prophet wanted someone to accompany him while emigrating to Madinah, he could have chosen men of strength like Syedna Umar ؓ  and Syedna Hamzah ؓ (God be pleased with them). But he chose the company of his best friend. God refers to them together when He refers to Abu Bakr as ‘the second of the two’ in the 40th ayat of Surah atTaubah. While this ayat is often cited to present the virtues of Abu Bakr, it also shows us how God considered them one unit- ‘the two’. It’s like saying ‘that couple’, ‘that pair’. And Abu Bakr also reciprocated in kind. The Prophet, in his final days, tells his companions that he has repaid the favour of each and every person except Abu Bakr, and that only God can repay his favour in full. These two friends still lie close to each other under the dome of Masjide Nabawi, and every person who goes there to greet the Prophet greets his best friend, Abu Bakr as well.

 

Criteria for friendship:

Abu Umamah ؓ  reported: The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Whoever loves for the sake of Allah, hates for the sake of Allah, gives for the sake of Allah, and withholds for the sake of Allah has perfected the faith.”

[Abu Dawood]

 

It has been narrated from the Prophet ﷺ by Abu Hurairahؓ and preserved in Bukhari and Muslim that of the seven people who would be sheltered under the shade of God’s throne on the Day of Judgment, there would be those two men who loved each other for Allah's sake, meeting for that and parting upon that.

 

The Prophet ﷺ has also said that a person would be raised up in the hereafter and would be in the company of those he loved. [Bukhari and Muslim]

 

There are many aHadith that speak of the virtues of loving someone for the sake of God. I have mentioned just a couple of aHadith here for the sake of brevity.

 

On the contrary, having a bad friend can have disastrous consequences.

“And on that Day the wrongdoer will bite on his hands and will say, “... Oh, woe to me! I wish I had not taken that one as a friend” [Surah alFurqan ayaat 27-28]

 

A person (from Paradise) will say, “Indeed, I had a companion (on earth) who would say: Are you indeed of those who believe that when we have died and become dust and bones, we will indeed be recompensed?

He will say, “Would you (care to) look?”

And he will look and see him in the midst of the Hellfire.

He will say, “By Allah, you almost ruined me”.

[Surah asSaffat ayaat 51-56]

 

Tell your friend you love him for Allah’s sake

Hazrat Anasؓ  has been quoted by Abu Dawood ؒ  in which he says: A man was with the Prophet ﷺ when another man passed by. The first man said, “O Messenger of Allah, indeed I truly love this man”. The Prophet asked him, “Have you told him this?” He said, “No”. The Prophet said, “Tell him”. He caught up with him and told him, “Truly I love you for the sake of Allah”. And the man said, “May Allah, for whose sake you love me, love you”.

 

Abdullah ibn Amr ؓ  narrates that the Prophet said, “Whoever loved a man for the sake of Allah and said, ‘I love you for the sake of Allah’, and then they were admitted to Paradise, and the one who loved was of a higher rank than the other, he would be joined with the one he loved”. [Imam alBazzar]

 

Conclusion:

We cannot choose our parents, our siblings or our children, but we can definitely choose our friends. And we ought to choose wisely. A good friend can lead us to Paradise and a bad friend can take us to Hell. And once God gives us a true friend, we should value him, love him and respect him. We need to nurture this friendship by helping each other and praying for each other. I had read somewhere, ‘Your friend is he who mentions Allah to you in your presence and mentions you to Allah in your absence’. How fortunate are those who have such friends! How fortunate indeed!

- Dr. Parvez Mandviwala